Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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