how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
