what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
