And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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