Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
