my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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