i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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