How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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