1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
