Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My life is pants optional.
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