Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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