I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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