dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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