That's when you crack a 10am beer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
