where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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