drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
