I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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