I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
