I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
