I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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