Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
