does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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