Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
