I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There r osticjed everywhere
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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