I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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