i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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