Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
