We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
