I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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