I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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