i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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