This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
