That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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