I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
