I didn't shave. On purpose
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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