We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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