You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
