There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
