I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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