I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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