On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
