I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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