Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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