i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
