He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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