if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
