you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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