I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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