I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
