ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Randomize
