these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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