I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
