mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
