I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
