I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
